Ok, maybe I am a little scared........

So there is alot going on in our world (and COUNTRY)......and then there is what is just happening to me, that everybody else does....and yet I feel like.........ok i am not sure exactly I feel like, except maybe running and hiding....but that is not the right response or reaction........so here is my list.....I'll start with more personal and breach out to the more general public stuff.....

1. School (mostly what to do for higher education....): I have always heard that high school students, especially sophmores and above, need to be figuring our what they want to do in life, and work on getting there, of course the world puts in that you MUST get at least a Bachelors degree.....and it doesn't really matter what you know, it's how you attained your knowledge.....so according to them, it's better to have a degree from "X" University, or college, even if you cheated...then to learn it on your own, out of interest, and find out as much as you can.....now there is nothing wrong with going somewhere and taking classes to learn things, i am just saying that the world tends to put pressure on you going to a government school......thats all.....well i actually had another reason......I don't feel like I am ready....to deside what i want to do.....well i have ideas.....I love music...but i don't feel a yearning to continue my studies to the point of teaching and proffesionally performing (i don't like all the examples out there, of course just cuz i perform, doesn't mean that i will become like all the others out there.....but still) I want to play music for my own enjoyment, and for my reletives and close friends (eg church, get togethers......I like dancing too, so if i ever find a group big enough....fiddleing is good for dancing too.....and yes i was raised baptist......;}) and one day (God Willin) i want to be able to teach my children, it saves on the education cost you know.......I am already planning on teaching my little siblings, violin anyway....i can't really say that i am an authority to teach piano and guitar.......yet.......I do want to get ready to (like i said, God Willin) homeschool my kids....that God Willin covers alot, including (but not limited to) if or when i get married, and if that happens, if i am allowed or able to have kids.......my own or not....This brings up another one of my education options...most of you remember the circumstance in California, where homeschool parents were almost made to get some form of certificate or degree in order to homeschool, and the way the government is going, I fear(there it is again....)that if am going to homeschool my children, I should have a degree or certificate of some sort.....just in case.....I just see some problems with this.....I am not basing my decisions on what is, but on what i fear might be......and that isn't what i should be doing.....but i find that i do this with alot of stuff, i am scared so i do 'X' just in case....even there is no reason for me to fear what i do, except that it is all in my head........The Bible says alot about Fear.....Infact, it is one of Christ's Commands(somthing he said to or not to do, while he was here on earth....)    "And do not fear those who kill the body, but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell." Matt. 10:28.......I think the Him refers to Satan, but i am not sure...when  i find out i will tell you......   "For God has not given us a Spirit of Fear, but of power and of Love and of a sound mind" 2 Tim. 1:7........When I am afraid, and my thoughts start coming up with all these possibilities, I defenitly don't think with a 'sound mind' i am more scatter brained than anything else.....Well since i started on my others anyway, i guess i'll go onto.....
2. So in a way i already mentioned that i am afraid of the future....but i guess it's more the unknown....I suffer from stomach aches alot, and i am not sure what they are. Allergies run in the family, and i am staying off what i can't eat as best as i can, but i still have almost constant discomfort.....i have noticed a few things though, 1, when i go places, not neccisarily new....but not common, i start to fear getting one, and will somtimes start to feel uncomfortable......2, when i go to bed....I usually have to take several charcoal pills to absorb everything in my stomach, cuz either i will get a real nauseous attack, or I will work myself up into one......and alot of times, i am up late trying to not think about it, and failing utterly........and so the cycle goes...late nights, late mornings....anyway, that wasn't my point....What i should do, if i am up late anyway, is read the Bible, especially things like 'cast all your cares on him,etc....' and others....and recite my verses the best i can....cuz the righteous man, 'his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in his Law he meditates day and night.....' so that gives me some diections as to what to do.......(I think i am writing this mostly for my self......so if you are bored, you can skip this one for sure....i'll never know.....)(and there is not a quiz...)My stomach isn't the only cause of worry though.....I somtimes wonder if it only stems from the more serious stuff.....(I am getting this view from a book by The Institute in Basic Life Principles called How to Resolve 7 Deadly Stresses, and it study guide Lies We Believe that cause Stress and Disease.....(did you notice that Disease is made of the prefix dis- (like in discomfort) and the suffix -ease (which usually means uh, like you feel good, or comfortable) when you put dis- on it though, it means 'not at ease'...or as is commonly known, sickness, usually very devastating.....anywho.....I chase rabbit trails alot......;P) Fear is one of the 7 stresses.....and i seem to have several fears......so I am kinda putting 2 and 2 together to get 4......and the more serious stuff goes on to the next point....(oh, this one was health(or unknown health problems))
3. The next biggest is not meeting up to expectations for me, by myself, and others, or at least what i think others expect from me.......I think this one is definetly based on a lie.......I am basing my success at meeting expectations on worldly values....well most of them, i do have spiritual expectations, but do you ever notice, we aren't usually worried about the spiritual, at least not as much as the physical, or worldly.....which kinda gets to my point, we should be more focused(ok I should be more focused) on what God has planned for us, and try our hardest to meet his expectations, and with His help. We can't meet them in our own strength.........I must admit, I relate very well with Jessie Wells, a very good book, and the main charachter (Jessie Wells.....;}) came to a spiritual revival at age 16......or at least started living for Christ at that time, even though she accepted Christ at 12.....the difference is I accepted Christ at a very young age (i am not bragging here....I fear it may be the reason for not being as aware of what i must do as a Christian.....I was a Christian in the fact that i believed I needed Christ to save me, and he already had on the cross, and nothing I could do on my own could change my circumstance, only Christ could....so I accepted him into my heart, and he became my Savior.....but the phrase is 'Savior and LORD'.......Jessie Wells realizes this....and i have just recently......maybe a little before i was 16....but i have only recently started putting it into practice......) ok now that i have gone off on another tangent......I will just have to do a 'book report and personal analasis' on Jessie Wells.....and continue that another time.......The point was, we need Christs Help....and we get that through studying and meditating on His Word, and praying, and I believe fellowshiping with other believers, so we can sharpen each other.......Ok.....I gotta take a deep breath, cuz now i am going on to more broad stuff....not personal, but personal fears about public affairs.........
4. GOVERNMENT. Ok, I am just starting to understand the whole governmental setup (as too who congress is and who the senate is....and all that......and what this college of representitives is all about.....I got the President, and Governors and Mayor thing......thats easy)....and i am starting to understand that I AM a Republican....or more specifically, a Conservative Republican.....I have always known that my parents were...but the only difference between R. and D's.  i could see at a young age was the stand on abortion (which I suppose has good benefits, cuz I have always been taught that abortion of any type is wrong, and that Children are a Blessing from THE LORD!!!) but just this last couple of years, like since the 08 Election, I have noticed there are other reasons, and NOT ALL REPUBLICANS ARE CONSERVATIVE, but I do believe that conservatives should NOT create a different party, but try to find the best Republican to vote for, becuz if we create a different party, we will be smaller, and only take votes from the republicans , guarenteeing a Demorcratic win.....which is kinda what happened this last election......Now I am going to say this before i continue....I believe that God has a reason for putting Barak Obama in the seat as President and even though I don't understand or like it....cuz i don't.....He still commands us to Honor Authority, pray for them, and 'Give to Ceaser what is Ceasers' without complaining (cuz Paul says All Things withoutcomplaining.....NO EXCUSES, not even bad government....) But I still don't understand....And I will do everyting possible to change the circumstances in the next election.......in which i myself will be able to Vote (maybe a little warning to any Politicians who may happen to stumble upon my blog...... Now i will stop with that, what I am afraid of is what is happening in the Nation with the Health Care Bill, and what it will do to the system the founding Fathers set out..Based on Biblical Principles.......that is why we have been know to have the best system in the world. Our Founding Fathers believed in what they said, and wanted it in the government, becuz a government following Biblical Principles will prosper......Why do you think that the USA was like a Promised land to so many Immigrants, it was based on the principle that all were equal in God's Eyes, even with Slavery, the founding Fathers believed that Principle......and NO i am not a History Geek.......I just want to say one more thing.....RELIGION IS THE BIGGEST FACTOR IN OUR HISTORY.....the pilgrims and the Puritans came here for Religious freedom....If they hadn't, we wouldn't have been here....But my fear is also rooted in the fact that i see the system crumbleing, and i can only hope and pray for a revival, or conclude that the end is coming (or actually is very close, it is always coming....)One of my downfalls is, I don't want the world to end before i have a chance to grow up and enjoy myself.....now i am not talking about the worlds view of enjoying oneself...but i selfishly want to growup and have a home and life of my own.....in a way...i want to live on a farm, have horses and cows and chickens, rabbits cats dogs, goats......a successful garden, able to get most of what i need from my own hard work, on my own land.....I want to raise a Godly family, with help from a Godly Husband (or more like Helping a Godly Husband to be a Godly Father) So i am selfishly hoping the world doesn't come to an end until i fufill these dreams......I am afraid of losing the oppertunity......I have either one consolation, or one nervewracker..........I am sure you have all heard of the movie 2012, Supposedly the Mayan Calender ends in Dec of 2012, well I heard about this before the movie came out.(and no i have not seen the movie, and i don't want to) the thought is that the world ends when the calender ends, and therefore, everybody BELIEVES the world ends in 2012......Here's what I believe......God says he is coming at the time when men least expect it...well if every body expects it to happen in 2012, then i believe it won't.....but i could happen before, or after, but i feel it won't be in 2012, at least not Dec..........He doesn't mention how specific, as in Year, Month, or Hour.....he just says, When they least Expect it........Ok, so I am afraid of the world ending for selfish reasons, but I want to strive to be content with whatever God puts in my way, big or small....(golly, have i got work to do, it is those small things that give us the most trouble somtimes.....)ok, i got ahead of my self.......(see that's what rabbit trails will do to you...;P) this point was actually supposed to be about the government, but i believe that corruption in the government is another sign of the end......and i do mean what i say, I believe the government is becoming more and more corrupt. and that leads to my fear. I am also (selfishly) afraid for my person....mostly just physically...*THINKS* Yup, my physical person.....*THINKS* oh, yeah, Emotional too, like how i feel about that others do to or say about me.......Ok, i need to end this....so i will try to give a conclusion.........

So I am afraid, mostly for selfish reasons, cuz i want what i want, and I don't want anything to interfer with what i want.....but this is not Biblical......God says that we are to 'Trust in the Lord with all your Heart, and do not lean on Your own understanding, In all Your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths' and 'Cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you' and I just found one i really like...'There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love..' 1 John 4:18....Ouch, that one hurt......that tells me exactly where i stand...and it doesn't look pretty......I pray that by sharing my heart, I 1) haven't permenetly scared anyone away, 2) That maybe if you are suffering from the same problem (not neccessarily specifically, but the basics of fear) that you don't feel as alone in your fear.....though of course we never can truly understand each others circumstances in full, cuz

we aren't them.....but we can try.....and I want to try to help ease anybody in my situation, cuz i know it isn't fun.......and even the last verse there stated that fear involves torment......anywho......That's all for now....

~Woo~